When you have gone through a really horrific event it seems as if you will never get to the end of your grief. But there comes a time when you become sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think a universal obstacle we all have a hard time overcoming is knowing when to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. That was such a huge hurdle I had to overcome to grow and get better! Now when I say huge I mean huge I was very suicidal for a long time and went through a long period of feeling disoriented and devastated. To make matters worse I was proud; painfully shy and embarrassed to ask for help. Even though I was victimized and did nothing wrong, I feared pity and would not open up about what I had been through for a very long time. In fact these demons had been plaguing me since childhood. I practically needed a 2nd 3rd and 4th catastrophic event to finally force me to talk and open up and face the pain and heal and that is how it happened one awful thing after another until I lost everything and almost my life. I am so grateful I did not die. I don’t think you can put a time frame on grieving and healing but we all know there comes a point where we have to start to move forward self pity can actually be severely dangerous it can take you down a dark hole that is even darker than what you have been through. It eithers takes you down or you can let it can take you to a spiritual transformation. I think this is the biggest obstacle a lot of us have. And it can be so hard if you legitimately were victimized and had some hard very painful humiliating torturous things happen to you. ( I have been there!) Or if are going through a break up, a divorce, betrayal, loss, death, health crisis, etc. You do need time to heal and make sense of what happened to you and deal with all the sometimes crippling shameful and embarrassing painful feelings that we experience when we go through a painful event, but it doesn’t have to be forever and here is where a recovery plan comes in so that you can begin to take steps forward. Part of what kept me suffering is I refused to heal or even talk about what had happened to me as a kid I had to face all that nasty stuff. I went up and down and zig zagged several times, it’s been a 12 year healing journey to healing and finding my heart and soul. When people hear my story they usually wince because they can feel how awful it was and trust me it was! But at the end of the day I was backed into a corner; I had two choices; dwell on every horrible thing that happened to me, let it define me or let it go and move past feeling sorry myself and get happy. The choice was mine. I chose to stay here and fight.
Here are some of obstacles I experienced that tempted me into staying stuck; (1) I wanted them to pay! (2) I wanted more sympathy and love 3)I was afraid of letting the pain go somehow it had defined me and who would I be if I wasn’t my story? (4) I didn’t know how to move forward everything I am telling you now I had to learn on my own out of survival I had to get tough and find some way to heal and (5) I wanted someone to come save me and make it better and make it all go away, but no one ever did. During the worst of my ordeal I was alone 24/7. I literally had no one except what I call god, my cats, and nature. I eventually started getting tough and learned how to move past all of those obstacles. Never had the words, ” what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” apply more than that time in my life . Even though these horrible events did happen, I first started to realize and see that my thoughts and my thinking and my dwelling on them were actually making it all so much worse! I got the good sense to meditate one day on how feeling sorry for myself was actually hurting me, and I discovered it does majorly! And metaphysically; you keep drawing the scenario into your life and experiencing it over and over again until you think a new thought and behave differently. Here was how I was able to move past it; I spent a lot of time in nature and meditation and slowed the movie in my head down to a slow crawl. I finally realized that movie was over I was the one playing it over and over again and I realized I was still alive and could take my thoughts and keep them in the present and create new movies. I could see that seeking justice or retribution was just creating more negative karma for myself like two children playing tag “your it!” going round in circles. I had to give up the need to hear I am sorry and told myself instead. ” It’s going to be ok I love you it’s gonna be okay”. As you judge others you are judged right? I started praying for them instead and seeing them as an imperfect souls like myself. I looked at my mistakes in life and granted, I didn’t think they had been that evil and torturous. I was able to see ;and knew I was not perfect and I prayed that they receive a healing. I began focusing more on the present moment and I started saying thank you for this glass of water, my health, my cats, this tree. Anywhere you can start is great. I also started helping others out of their dark crisis; I wrote and vented and healed my pain, I began opening up. I saw many healers. I also started loving and validating myself and building my confidence and expressing myself and making new friends online. I stopped comparing myself to others and even the person I had been or could have been and accepted who I was now in this moment and I started creating new things. I also opened myself up to the idea of not knowing my future and stripped myself of past labels. I didn’t have to be defined by the old stories I could have new labels. I chose new labels like; bad-ass, courageous, funny, light-worker,creative,awesome… just some examples lol and eventually it made a huge huge huge shift! I do a lot of other things too that really helped me but this overcoming feeling sorry for yourself is huge and it packs a huge punch.
You get to a point where you just have to end the pain! Some people take this to a dangerous scary place or; You can make this mental shift instead and decide you don’t have to be in pain anymore. You hold the key to ending your own suffering and pain. Your thoughts plus emotions create reality but you can short circuit this all by staying in the present. I finally had enough one day, I had gone through a horrifically painful string of horrible losses one after the other and I just could not get out of bed for the longest time. Then one day, I had gotten to the point where I actually couldn’t spend another moment listening to that sob story I was bored to tears of my little “story” I decided to write a new one …..This moment in time was a pivotal life changing thought that day. In fact I was floored to hear that this is exactly the point where Eckhart Tolle came to when he experienced his radical spiritual transformation, he too was also very suicidal. Click here to read more about his story.
In case you don’t know who he is, he is the author of two great books that I love (The POWER OF NOW) and he is this very famous highly influential global spiritual leader. But let me tell you going through the experience and reading about it was a very different experience. I actually laughed out loud once I realized I could stop my own suffering. It was a breakthrough seminal moment. Unlike Eckhart I didn’t remain in a state of ecstasy for two years, it lasted a few days then I had to work at it again, but it left a huge lasting impression. I felt like I had hit the jack pot of wisdom. I have made some huge strides since then and worked at it daily. I’m not going to lie this didn’t happen over night it took a lot of healing and venting and writing and crying but I have been able to move past a lot of it and I have healed so much by making this a daily life changing habit and life change.
Here are some other suggestions that can help you make your change
- Learn to recognize when you’re feeling sorry for yourself daily. Watch your thoughts.
- Realize that it’s an enormous waste of time and energy, you could be doing something else with that energy.
- Do something for someone less fortunate than you. It not only makes you more aware of your own blessings, it makes you proud—and you can’t feel pride and self-pity at the same time.
- List all the things in your life you feel grateful for.
- List everything that turned out better than you’d hoped.
- Identify someone who helped you in your life, and find a way to thank that person.
- If the reason you feel sorry for yourself is something shared by others, join a support group. I have started a group for women called THE SISTERHOOD but I can also direct you to other support groups online if you are man or woman message me. Look for one that supports efforts to get past the problem and move on, not one that reinforces feelings of helplessness. In solution-oriented groups you will hear members not only sharing their pain but discussing hopes and plans for the future. If you have trouble finding the right group, express your desire to others; you might attract people who share your wish to get beyond the problem.
IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! GET HELP TALK TO SOMEONE. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU THAT WANT TO HELP. I do spiritual counseling and I can direct you to healers and other groups that can help you. Just know you are not alone in your pain many people are suffering and people absolutely do care a great deal. I know I didn’t really want to die I just wanted my life to change and for the pain to end. There is other ways to end your pain. Suicidal ideation is one of the most common things no one talks about.
If you are not suicidal, but still going through a really tough time big huge hugs I am glad your here, I hope this article comforts you and arms you with some tools to help yourself. Read my story ( I am actually still writing it out), but just know there is light at the end of the tunnel when you are ready to move past your past. Don’t let it define you !! Don’t allow your past enemies or past hard times take up any more space in your head and stop letting the past rob you of your present and future happiness.
I did it. You can do it⭐️❤️
I am rooting for you !!
With much love,