This was written for anyone that needs help with discernment and knowing when to trust yourself when making decisions about people places or situations. Recognizing correct signals is a skill that is especially helpful for adults that grew up in or came from abusive,chaotic,or dysfunctional homes that need help with this! For us, it can be very confusing in our adult relationships to discern later in life who really loves you and is healthy for you and determining how you really feel about someone versus determining who is using you,manipulating with a control drama or lying to you. But energy and your body does not lie and it’s possible to relearn some skills you used to have naturally as a kid before you were trained to ignore listening to your own instincts and messages.
Do you know how to sense vibes and energy ? Can you sense if it’s really love and if someone really cares about you and respects you ? And how do you know how you really feel about someone ? Does your body send you signals and if so what are they? Can your body or psychic senses tell you? The answer to both is yes!
How common is common “sense”? First lets understand that this article applies to some people but not others. If you grew up in a loving stable household with two parents or even one stable person in your life who loved you and was not abusive or confusing most likely this lesson is not for you. You likely were listened to treated with respect and allowed to have opinions and your perception of reality was honored. If you said you were sad, hungry, hurt, or cold you were listened to. For some of us, our most basic needs were totally ignored and worse we were experiencing abuse on top of all of this. So if this stuff is common sense to you, just know it’s not at all for others that come from abusive or dysfunctional backgrounds,and this can help you understand us more and maybe treat us with more compassion.
We struggle with this deeply and often have to rely on other people’s perceptions and opinions for guidance, which could include friends, therapist, and psychics. It’s part of why we get in trouble and why we end up in bad or abusive relationships and why we feel perplexed at how we keep getting into trouble! We miss the signals, misunderstand the signals, and sometimes confuse love for something else entirely. But it’s possible to get back in touch with your own instincts and learn to trust your own judgement and you can relearn these things with a little practice.
Here’s is why you haven’t always trusted yourself. Often times people will tell you to follow your heart to decide who is a worthy person, but if you come from a chaotic or troubled childhood you can’t always trust that entirely. Can you tell if a person is manipulating you versus really liking or loving you ? If you can’t, that leaves you vulnerable to deception. If you don’t know the difference and can’t understand how to understand the energy you are feeling, your heart but most importantly your mind can easily be manipulated. I was clueless! I didn’t understand manipulation tactics at all or how to recognize them all the time. I couldn’t tell when someone was really complementing me or flattering me. Sometimes I got it right and other times I didn’t at all. But when I look back I always ” knew” and had a ” bad feeling” about people that hurt me before they hurt me. Knowing what I know today I listen to and TRUST THE ENERGY and never question myself.
Manipulative people use control dramas like; guilt, intimidation, reverse-psychology,or some other tactic to try and deceive you or withhold their true feelings and intentions to get you to go along with their agenda and their motives. Abusive dysfunctional and co-dependent families also operate this way, there is an underlying disrespect for each others boundaries and needs in these families. Can a person love you and simultaneously manipulate you ? Yes, but your not being treated with any respect and you should at least know and begin to recognize when it’s happening and where your boundary is to put a stop to it so that in your adult life you can have a better life than what you started out with. The best way to put a stop to manipulation is to stop complying and responding. Learn to say no and recognize the control dramas. And obviously stop manipulating others if your guilty and respect others boundaries. I had to learn about what that was separately too.
It helps when you understand the root of this problem starts in our past. Many times abusers and abusive people will be both loving and abusive which is extremely confusing and then they will deny your reality. Maybe it’s not always intentionally malicious or on purpose ; maybe they are drunk,a shamed to admit the truth, not paying attention etc…there could be a million reasons why someone would deny your perspective and reality and boundary.
Patterns and cycles of love than abuse indicate abuse and neglect and can also indicate that the person wants to control you or deceive you. This back and forth unstable relationship confuses you and throws you off. The more a person makes you question or ignore the signals your body is sending off the more you come to think your body signals are unreliable and you stop listening! That’s awful and has scary consequences later on down the road.
I grew up in a household where there was so much chaos, abuse,lies,double lives, skeletons in the closet, and tons of manipulation and deception. I was called crazy and a liar when I spoke the truth because they were trying to hide their criminal behaviors and this was told to the rest of my family so I was being ignored and dismissed by a huge group of people I was wanting love from and acceptance from it made me question and not always rely on my perceptions and instincts.
(Side note this is a major strategy of a narcissist and a psychopath to hide their abuse they blame the victim and convince many people that your to blame to deflect attention off of themselves they also will act very loving to you in front of everyone else so no one ever suspects a thing. If you were raised like I was by a devious cunning calculating and strategic person your signals are probably majorly off. Beware of these people they are a major danger!
It’s no wonder as an adult I couldn’t recognize when love was really and when it wasn’t there with all that crazy mixed signals I grew up with. Needless to say I rebelled as a teenager and then later went on to have problems in love relationships and friendships. I just could not tell. I got close to dangerous people and pushed the right people away I was seriously confused! As you can imagine this got me into very serious trouble eventually and one way or another I had to learn these skills and now I want to share them with you. I almost died this last time when I got involved with a very dangerous and psychotic psychopath. It was awful I barely made it out alive, but I definitely got tons of time to practice and learn and teach myself new tools and skills. I had to figure this all out on my own but now you know too and prevention is the best way to deal with these dangerous types of people.
So how can you know if it’s healthy love or manipulation?
1) Pay attention to how you feel around certain people. 2)Forget trying to determine how they feel about you, first ask yourself and see what your body says? 3)Get back in touch with your perception and start building confidence in you again. I have some exercises I have developed for how you can do this in a safe way first and I will attach that exercises at the bottom.
Real love,real genuine care and friendship feels good! It feels light, it brings you up, it warms you from the inside, you “feel” comfortable around that person, you feel yourself, and content. Your treated with respect your treated like an equal. Your body and breathing is at a nice even steady rhythm. My good friend Asha taught me to go where the energy feels like a grandmothers hug. I loved that, and so now I only surround myself in this energy and follow this easy flow and vibe. If your body feels tense and uncomfortable notice where you feel it. Usually it’s in your stomach, your breathing might quicken and become shallow you might sweat, feels tense, and absolutely RUN IF YOU FEEL AFRAID. Screw the social rules you take care of you first especially if you are in a dangerous situation. If you already involved with manipulative people and can’t get out of these relationships know that it’s always going to be stressful but I will be blogging more in depth later at how to have better conflict resolution skills and mitigate the effects of a manipulative person.
In love, friendships, potential people you want to hire,healers you want to work with just go where you “feel” the love. Don’t overthink it, pay attention to what your body says and do this especially in the beginning before dating someone or getting to know someone. This a path and skill that will help put you on your highest spiritual path and take you off your student path because you will be able to stay more in your flow when you surround yourself with people that will support you and ultimately bring out the best in you not the stress in you.
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Learn about the built in Instincts and guidance system we all have.
Hone in your intuition. Fifth Dimensional Living will be more and more about understanding your own energy,it’s energetic patterns, reading it’s signals, and reading the subtle energy of others.
So much is said without speaking. Here are some exercises I developed myself using social media.
Practice makes perfect! Let me know how it goes!
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