Nothing goes away until it teaches us what you need to know-Pema Chodron
Some people attract negative circumstances into their lives repeatedly. Abusive friendships, bullying, pushy friendships, bosses, and wonder why it keeps happening to them. I did for years it was horrific until one day I faced the worst bully of them all, several all in a row! Try fighting all 10 of the meanest cruelest bullies you can think of one after the other back to back! I almost died and the only way I could fight back was by really healing myself and healing the root cause, not just the symptoms. It was the second brutal shamanic initiation I experienced that permanently transformed me.
I know I am not alone I see many people in various degrees learning the same lesson taking the same course with a different teacher. We think we are cursed, have horrible luck and we feel permanently victimized and doomed. Many stay stuck and never make changes. Some spend years reliving out repeated traumas, dwelling on what happened and living lives in great amounts of quiet despair and agony until they die or kill themselves thinking that it was hopeless, and that nothing could have been done. But that is not true!
So why does it happen? So many people never penetrate past the deeper layers of their psyches and souls and never even ask this question. It goes beyond having a painful childhood or coming from an abusive dysfunctional family, or that the person, (your bully) is an evil asshole. If you had an abusive parent they may have been your first teacher, but you keep replaying out the same scenario because you haven’t yet healed and you haven’t yet learned the lesson. Maybe you continued the cycle of violence and became a bully yourself? Many that hear this the first time are revolted and enraged and immediately shut down, and if that is you I would read no further. But if your sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to solve the problem and want your life to change, keep reading your ready to learn.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
When the teacher is ready, the students appear.
Begin to ask yourself, why is this happening? What am I meant to learn from this? Pretend for a second that life is a school where we get to play out little roles in our own little personal plays and learn soul lessons. If we are here to learn lessons what lesson do you need to learn? What is your bully mirroring to you? Could it be that he or she perhaps is mirroring how you treat yourself? Do you beat yourself up ? Do you ignore or neglect yourself? Are you a bully? Do you respect others boundaries ? Do you respect the word no?
If your still dumbfounded at these questions, let me help you. The lesson is self love and self acceptance. If you can honestly say you’ve never bullied anyone then you need to learn deep self love, self acceptance, psychic defense and how to handle conflict and learn how protect yourself. Work on your confidence, learning to trust your intuition, learn to say no and learn how to stand up for yourself. If you are mean and bully others you need to admit that to yourself and really see your getting a taste of your own medicine. You need to learn self love as well and make amends to your victims and stop the cycle of violence. Be sorry deep in your soul and in your heart. Two wrongs don’t make it right. If you turn around and act like a bully and an abuser to the person that bullied you, do you see how it’s hypocritical? You need to humble yourself, find out what’s at the heart of your misplaced anger, forgive yourself and learn to love yourself deeply too. Move past dwelling and defining yourself by those experiences.
So yes they are mirroring to you what’s in your shadow, how you treat yourself and quiet possibly ways you behave with others. We attract based upon our level of self worth it’s a frequency and if you don’t really love yourself that is the frequency match. Many people can’t see or understand that. They can’t see it because they think they do love themselves. They love themselves but only the parts of themselves they think are the good parts. They can’t see that their self esteem is really coming from what Melody Beattie calls “other esteem” you love yourself or don’t love yourself because of ; the titles, jobs, achievements, friends, material objects or lack thereof. That is only loving the ego and fragmented parts of the ego but not really the soul. Some people only see what they think is bad about them and can’t see the good. Some people only see what’s good about them and can’t see what’s bad and you need to see and love all of you to cure this. No one can really blame you a lack of self love and lack of soul connection and soul identification is a symptom of this modern sociopathic western society that keeps us heavily distracted, competing with one another, keeping up with the joneses, and turning our noses down at the people we think are beneath us because of arbitrary materialistic classist or racist reasons. There are so many reasons why this is a big problem. Lack of real self love and real self esteem is an epidemic.
So do you love yourself ? What about your secrets? The things your ashamed of, afraid of, and wouldn’t want anyone to know? The bad things you think or do ? That’s part of you too, and that is the part you must learn to love as well. The good and the bad. The weak and the strong parts of you. Maybe there is trauma and deep wounds that need to be healed that your afraid to heal. Maybe your ashamed of something you’ve done. Take the “stuff” away and you can really see who you are and what work you need to do. You have to love yourself naked-right here right now as a soul for all that you are to heal and to stop attracting painful circumstances. You have to get real and honest for that. You have to release the pain, the shame and accept yourself for all that you are. Face and heal your shadow. Maybe what’s in your shadow is that your really an amazing talented beautiful person and you just can’t see it. Learn to love and approve of your self. When you really love and approve of yourself you won’t care what someone else’s opinion of you is and you won’t have to prove it to others.
Take it from me, I thought I was the biggest piece of shit on the planet I used to think I was not pretty enough, thin enough, cool enough, smart, accomplished enough,you name it. My big secret was that no one really loved me I was abandoned and used by my family and I didn’t really love myself and yet I still wanted their approval and chased after their love. I was deeply ashamed of my abusive past, that I dropped out of high school, that I was a weirdo goth in my teenage years, and more ashamed that my family had gotten to me and that I had believed them. If someone was mean to me I thought I deserved it because I was pathetic, weak, and just not good enough. I was way too hard on myself and compared myself to people I could never measure up too. I also had been a bully to a couple people that were weaker than me when I was younger and I had major problems with anger. I used to be a bitter jaded suicidal girl as a kid and I was deeply ashamed of that too! Once I admitted all that to myself I began to heal and I learned. When you know better you do better. Let me give you another secret; all bullies really are cowards that hate and loathe themselves and are deeply insecure people. See how it all comes down to self love, self forgiveness, and acceptance?
When I examined my shadow I not only saw the bad but surprisingly the good. I was also able to see how amazing and strong and powerful I really was inside when I looked at all my strengths and re examined my weaknesses. I counted all the times I was courageous and fearless and stood my ground. I also began shifting my view of myself when I started being my true self. I realized I was weird because I was unique and original and out of the box and actually very bright and self taught. I also cut out toxic small minded sick people out of my life and started surrounding myself with loving and kind people who saw the greatness in me. A major act of self love.
Take some time to self reflect on all of this. Journal, book a healing session with me. Once you penetrate to your truth you will begin to heal and you won’t need the lesson or match that frequency anymore. This work it isn’t something you can fake or pretend to have and it must be shown with your words, your thoughts and your actions. It’s as simple as that. I can’t tell you how powerful and empowering it is to shift your view of yourself from a helpless victim to a powerful creator. Take responsibility for everything accept it and let it go. When you do that; you will begin to see that everything after all happens for your highest good and is meant to help bring you to wholeness and balance. Your enemies then become your greatest teachers that helped you, challenged you, and gave you an opportunity to be tested tried and to grow.