“Healing from victim patterns is like untying a knot; It’s starts with looking at energy imbalances, healing your beliefs, which leads to thoughts that need to be changed, which leads to patterns that need to be addressed, which lead to behaviors that need to be corrected.” -Alexis Serrano
I just love when people come to me and tell me their priority is X ( they want to lose weight, write a book, change their life, leave a bad relationship, heal) but then you watch them spend all their money, time, energy, and attention month after month on Y,Z and god knows what else. You see all the photos on social media and then they start talking about their goals again which never seem to add up to what they are actually doing with their time and energy. It’s perplexing isn’t it? Annoying if you are the person that they come to repeatedly for advice and a little sad to watch. I have been there a million times myself, but it’s something I have been able to break out of in many areas of my life. I can only imagine how I must have seemed when I was in the thick of my addiction I had to ignoring myself and my needs or victim-itis. I never would have seen that procrastination was a symptom of a larger issue, but it very much was. Here is the thing you can’t make any changes in your life until you are willing to take a look at your actions and behaviors and ways you self sabotage.
What I have noticed is that procrastination can take many forms; and it can be very tricky. You can actually make yourself so busy doing “stuff” you can trick yourself into thinking you are doing something to help you achieve your goals but in actuality your not. Your still avoiding doing what you have to do and now your trying to fool yourself and everyone else. Procrastination can take many forms; illness, being too busy or not having enough time for anything, my favorite ” digging in your heels”pattern, changing your mind repeatedly. Saying you need to read or research more, causing fights or arguments with others on purpose anything to avoid taking the next step. It’s all a bunch of excuses and you kn0w it. Maybe you haven’t been able to see the connection, but it’s time to open your eyes and look. This is what it’s really going to take to help you address the root problem and get from A to Z. One of my personal favorites excuses I call it, ” digging in your heels” here is an example, “I can’t change my behavior because this is who I have always been ………….” And my answer is” yeah and that is why your still getting what you have always got.
Here are some things procrastination really is a cover for;
- Self Sabotage ( maybe it’s a habit you need to break your not aware of )
- Emotional Block or Hidden Secret Pattern You don’t want to address ( Emotion: Deep Fear, Shame, Guilt) (Patterns; Co-Dependence, Perfectionism, OCD, Addiction)
- Maybe their goals are not in alignment with who they really are-they are trying to please someone else or do “what they think they should be doing instead of actually doing what really matters to them”
- Clueless-Maybe they aren’t aware that they are doing this?
- Intuition is telling them not do something. ( I always trust my intuition)
- Severe Co-Dependent Patterns/ Energetic Co-Dependence. Perhaps they are very Co-Dependent like I was and make everyone else’s needs a priority and theirs last? Or are very manipulative and controlling of others? Co-Dependence is a disease that deteriorates our soul and it is not too easy to define but it can cause huge problems that affect every area of your life. Co-Dependents are people that have huge problems maintaining normal relationships with themselves and others. Essentially they struggle with huge patterns of denial, low self esteem, compliance patterns, and control patterns. There was a time, I didn’t even know how sick I was. This is hard when you see that someone is very co-dependent and they can’t see it. It’s hard to help someone heal this, they have to want to heal from it themselves. I had no idea how dire my circumstances would have to get before I would take steps to handle that. I didn’t understand the word, let alone the patterns nor could I understand how it was playing out in my life. In my case in the past I was doing too much at once because I was trying to take care of everyone’s needs including mine and it became way too much to handle. I needed to learn how to say no, love myself, stop people pleasing, and being controlled by guilt and fear. It has taken a lot of work and time to see that I am not responsible for someone else’s health or happiness and to give myself permission to focus on myself. I used to let guilt, fear, and obligation really control me! Do you?
Self Sabotage, Excuses, Getting Sick, Changing your mind, Poor Time Management and refusing to get organized and prioritize its still procrastination, but now it just has a new label. This new label now gives you yet another excuse and reason that sounds logical and justifiable. Learning to see through this and all your millions of excuses and ways of self sabotage can be very helpful if you can get real and honest with yourself. I even see this with people that are sick and trying to get healthy. It also can be procrastination; they complain about their health issues when things get really bad but yet they don’t really why want to do anything to get healthy. They won’t make the calls, take the medicine, change their diets, exercise, or change their lifestyle, deal with the emotional underlying issues or patterns or ask for help and why? Because its serving some purpose and until you address the underlying purpose you can’t address the root issues. Getting sick is your soul screaming for attention and it can be another way of procrastinating. Like Louise Hay, I believe that there are mental beliefs contributing to manifesting illness, but I also see it as a symptom of a chakra or energy imbalance and life lesson you are needing to integrate and learn.
Sickness as a sign of being stuck; I see it all the time now intuitively in others that illness can happen when our souls are screaming for our attention and we are refusing to listen. We refuse to listen by procrastinating and by refusing to take some new actions, because that would mean getting to the heart and soul of some deep emotional or energetic block or pattern that is screaming to be corrected. I have also known people that want to get sick subconsciously becuase they know they need to make a change and refuse to. They just dig their heels in and say NO I am not changing. It could be because they have given up on life and just refuse to try and if that is the case you need to tell someone and get honest and try to get help with this. This was the case for me it was a symptom of severe co-dependence I self sabotaged unknowingly and kept myself a victim by constantly putting myself last and everyone’s else needs first. I was actually so sick I didn’t even know how sick I was I was screaming for help, hence the eventual nervous breakdown. I needed to make a major life change to correct my illness.
Sickness as a vacation from your illness or pattern; I have known people that want to make themselves sick or let themselves get sick because they were very co-dependent people pleasers, perfectionist, that could not say no or ask for help. ( All of those things are indicative of low self esteem and low self-worth) they needed a time out and being sick was a form of a vacation to do some soul searching and some deep thinking and self care. I see this one all the time and it’s one of the hardest persons to help, unless they are willing to get honest and get help. There can be layers of pride and shame about not knowing what to do and or change. Most people don’t want to share with others that they have low self esteem or self worth, think about it. Our whole lifestyle and ability to have jobs and relationships with others is built on a foundation that we have some self esteem admitting we don’t can be painful. Labeling myself a co-dependent people pleasing low self esteem having victim was a horrifically hard and shameful thing to admit and a huge block for my personal healing and evolution, luckily I had a major nervous breakdown on Facebook so I was forced to address it head on. I hope you don’t have to heal this way and I hope I have made you think a little deeper about ways you may be blocking your own growth and progress and want to take steps to correct it.
Taking steps to heal and address all these patterns can seem scary and risky if you are the only person in a sick family that sees that there is anything wrong. Many people need to be forced into these changes and sometimes even then, they still refuse to budge. But if your reading this you know what you have to do. Often times when we heal ourselves it helps give other people around us permission to heal and take care of themselves too, so keep that in mind. At first they whine grumble and complain and may even punish you at first but hold your ground and know your helping them get better in the long run too.
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