Attracting repeated toxic situations; the purpose, the lesson, and how to take control of the situation; Losing your way

 

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When it comes to dealing with Energy Vampires and Toxic situations, there is such a thing as a student path and a master path at least there was for me.  It’s about growing up emotionally and maturing, it’s about knowing yourself  your weaknesses deep desires and learning to heal and see past duality. It’s all those things. Where I am now and how I see things is not where I started off at. I can see my whole process and the repeating patterns with a very different perspective than where I started.  Because I didn’t really have any parents or stable guidance in my life, it took me a long time to grow up emotionally and learn to take control of my life. Owning everything that happens to you and being able to see your part in things honestly can be extremely helpful so you don’t continue to make the same mistakes.

For years I found myself attracting the same scenario over and over and over again I would get into a relationship, or take a job, or buy a car, or take out a very expensive loan even when my gut said no. I would feel my gut warn me telling me this person this situation is not right for you, but I would push past it anyways. I wasn’t always this way as a kid I was very sharp then; but somehow adulthood can make you all twisted like a pretzel, because we really start to develop an ego and false persona. Suddenly it’s not about being real or authentic like when you are kids; it is about putting on a show for others right? Or Fitting in. You don’t have to agree with me or disagree, I know we all do this. How do I know? Because I get the privilege of  talking to many people and they tell me things they don’t want anyone else to know, and I know many of us do this, if not most of us! So don’t feel bad.

It all started with a very dysfunctional  abusive childhood which I never healed from; as an adult,  I continued to attract repeating circumstances and abusive situations that caused me huge problems. Healing, learning my lessons, and evolving past the pattern meant learning  many things. Over the years my ability to recognize, handle and overcome this situation changed dramatically.  Here is how it looked for me on a high level. Healing repeating patterns and imprints is becoming my passion because that is something I struggled with deeply to the point where my survival was contingent upon me healing this problem; the hard part was the problem was within me and I had no one to help me solve this let alone understand it. That is why I write and share and try to pay it forward;  to validate others experiences, share the  lessons  and journey with hopes it can help other people understand themselves should they find themselves trapped in vicious cycles.

I’ve come to realize obstacles and challenges happen in your life because your meant to face them and learn from them. They help you become who your meant to be; sometimes we have to come lifetime after lifetime before we get it right.  These lessons and challenges will present themselves to you over and over again until you learn. It’s tricky; the lesson is the same but it looks a little different every time. Look for themes, patterns, things that repeat.  When I look back on  my life I see that my lessons started at age 3.  Later in life it was a new person,job,medicine, relationship,book,guru and  new approach but it’s all part of the same theme and the same lesson. The good thing is you get lots of practice. I have seen a few of my past lives so this helped me. Yeah I know it’s weird and a little freaky but it can also be sooo healing and SHIFTING to see the lives impacting you now.

The bad thing is it’s going to hurt, it could be very hard, if you don’t learn  it could kill you. There may be levels of energy vampires from least toxic to super toxic. I was born into super toxic; what that means to me is that I inherited a family with lots of problems and dysfunctional issues that I was tasked with overcoming. Energy Vampires and being taken out of myself was an ” obstacle course” I have had to face hundreds of time I am still facing but I am also seeing mastery and change in these areas . I failed thousands of times before I started really listening and trusting myself.  Here is a high level review of how I learned my lessons I think you can learn so much about what to do and what not do by reading. We repeat in life what we are taught and what is shown to us. It’s a very right brained intuitive way of seeing things but maybe it will make sense to you.

Student Path; She doesn’t see the obstacle/lesson coming, she is too small to defend herself. She needs food and shelter so she puts up with the intense abuse. She is terrified and knows to get away, she runs away over and over and over and over but they always find her. She finally gets away, she gets hurt it’s a disaster. She promises herself she will never allow this to happen to her again later in life she thinks she’s learned her lesson but she really begins a pattern of running away. She doesn’t believe in herself. She doesn’t see the obstacle/lesson coming she gets hurt its a disaster. She doesn’t see the obstacle/lesson coming she gets hurt its a disaster. She makes the same mistakes over and over and over over again doing the same thing over and over and over again. No one can help her because only she knows her obstacle and only she can learn her lesson. People all over will offer her advice she tries them all but none of it works. Deep Inside a small voice, her own heart gives her advice but she doesn’t listen.

Intermediate Path I; She sees the lesson/obstacle coming this time but she still is caught off guard. Her heart gives her advice she ignores it. She tries something new, now she is trying many new things to see what works. She still gets in trouble. She still is in pain. She feels like it’s hopeless. She feels like giving up. She gives up and runs away. She still hasn’t learned the lesson. The lesson/obstacle comes again. Sometimes she follows her heart that makes her happy. But the lesson comes again and she decides to try more advice from a book she has read she gets hurt again. She earns many battle scars from all of her ordeals. Many mask many symptoms many tangents and distractions keep her running further and further away. She gets very sick so sick she almost dies. Now she is forced to face this obstacle/lesson/challenge again. This time It’s way worse than she can imagine.She sees the lesson/obstacle coming, it doesn’t matter what face shape it has she knows the patterns and strategies well. She vows to learn them like the back of her hand. She studies and reads everything about her lesson and obstacle, she also learns the value of her internal guidance system her natural instincts. She studies her opponents, she learns all of her opponents strategies and methods and understands all the dirty tricks. She knows her opponent will use deception, trickery, and manipulation she learns about all of that too. She understands the ways her strengths and weakness get used against her. She understands how flattery, charm, guilt, fear, intimidation, and distraction are the weapons used against her.  She understands the mind games and the lowest places her opponent may take. They will threaten death, marriage, love anything to invoke fear, guilt, remorse, love. She just can’t help herself she needs love so she pretends to believe, deep inside she knows it’s another mistake.  She doesn’t learn her lesson. She is vulnerable beat down and defeated. She is just numb.

Intermediate Path II: The lesson/obstacles comes with a vengeance. The lesson comes this time as everything she has ever wanted. It looks like a dream. It looks like  heaven but really it’s the lesson/ challenge/ obstacle. It comes like it’s never come before.  She knows she can’t run anymore she knows this is the big test. She digs her heels in determined to learn the lesson. She goes to battle, she almost dies but she’s determined, she learns about all her weaknesses. She gets hurt again, she almost dies. She is humiliated, shamed, ostracized, punished, tortured but she won’t give in. The big bad wolf has come and he is not alone he has his whole pack. She deals with it alone and does not ask for help. She is determined  but still ashamed but starts to think she has more power. She wins some battles but knows she has not won the war. She starts meditating daily and asking god and her angels for help. She calls on her animal helpers and any spirit that can assist her she starts listening and believing. Even through her tears she prays and asks for help.

Master Path: The lesson/obstacle comes again; this time she sees the obstacles coming from a mile away. She listens to her heart she trust her intuition implicitly, she remembers all the previous lessons and challenges. She looks at her face and sees all the battle scars. She’s not falling for this shit again. She knows she has power and she uses it. No one can trick her anymore into acting small.  Of course her opponent pulls out their bag of tricks. She applies her wisdom. She vents now, she learns to open up and ask for emotional support. People try to offer advice which she wasn’t asking for,  but she knows they don’t know her challenges the way she does they don’t have a fucking clue what she is dealing with, finally she ignores their advice but appreciates their support and friendship.  She trust herself and her higher wisdom. She see’s the whole lesson/obstacle/pattern/ theme from miles away she eventually avoids the whole thing. She doesn’t take any of it personal anymore. She prays for her haters and enemies and knows they are souls like her learning their lessons too. She knows she is not a bad person for taking care of herself it’s mandatory. She doesn’t let guilt or false promises trap her in an illusion because she remembers the facts. She stops questioning herself when more spiritual people imply she is making the wrong choice.  The lesson shows up once in a while to make sure she’s sure. She smiles and walks on by. She feels at peace.

Ultimately these are the things it took me a very long time to realize or attain

-Listening to my own heart

-Learning discernment

-Learning to trust my own perceptions of reality, controlling my own narrative

-Learning to recognize covert manipulation, flattery, and deceptive people

-Learning what and who to ignore when given advice, knowing who is trustworthy and safe.

-Learning to trust my own intuition and gut instincts not being talked out of them.

-Learning boundaries; when to say no, speak up and communicate clearly.

Learning to communicate and speak up; healing passive aggressive behaviors. Learning to be direct.

-Healing my own inner child; acknowledging my past pain making a huge effort to heal  myself and understand my triggers and weakness. Understanding deep unmet needs.

-Context;  being able to examine my past history, patterns, seeing repetitious behaviors, and situations. Gaining deep insight into my sacred contract soul lessons and aura imbalances.

-Facing my shadow; being able to see and understand that life mirrors what I project and taking steps to heal it and own it.

-Getting to the heart of the matter; Learning to not take things so personally, developing the compassion and insight into what makes people tick. Understanding that many people are walking around wounded and  very disconnected from their own self. Hurt people hurt people.

-Learning to not retaliate and how to peacefully disengage. Learning to pick and choose my battles. The best defense is a strong offense when your gut tells you that job, that person, that situation is going to be trouble-avoid it!

-Learning to co-create; practicing mindfulness, treating others how I want to be treated. For me this meant changing my lifestyle and habits and thinking so that I am raising my vibration and in alignment with more pleasant experiences.

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