It can very frustrating dealing with people that live outside of California, even the ones that are supposedly blue and liberal can be very racist. I for one am tired of the abuse, jabs, and racial insensitivity. We need to stop biting our tongues and pretending it doesn’t exist. We can do better than make America great again we can make it better than it ever has been! I no longer have the patience for intolerance and hate. Like gays, like veterans, like psychics and mediums, and other groups that are not socially embraced by the collective we are mocked and targeted. In this day and age if your still clueless it’s because you don’t realize it’s still an issue politically, socially, and it affects everything. Maybe you don’t realize because it doesn’t affect you at all maybe you; 1) Don’t care 2) Don’t experience it because of what you look like 3) are too timid to say anything about it or 4) you live in red state or racist town and think it’s normal. You need to have some emotional intelligence to be able to walk around in another person shoes to postulate what it would feel like to be African American or Latino. Only then would you understand how we are seen and treated. We are treated less than an in inferior ways by some people but mostly by people that live in red states. Our cultures everything about us are the butt of jokes in your towns. We are the targets of far too much hate and blame when we should be directing that towards the 1%.
I just had to let go of this healer today that I’ve been working with for awhile now because he is so inappropriate and rude and constantly makes tons of jabs and remarks about Mexicans and latino culture constantly. He is from Boston. He doesn’t say anything mean he just laughs and mocks my culture. There isn’t a single conversations we have that doesn’t include a racial slur jab or joke. I am Puerto Rican and Mexican I don’t even fit into my culture or speak Spanish I don’t know what he is trying to say half the time but I can feel the energy and feel the mean spiritedness behind it. He admitted he comes from a very racist town. I usually bite my tongue and let it slide because he’s a great healer but today I had the last straw. Normally I would ignore his little comments and roll my eyes because they are not that bad but I decided today I’m done taking his annoying abuse and done keeping quiet about this. He makes these little comments and jokes and then laughs and laughs at my discomfort and our conversations are filled with awkward silence because I’m usually thinking in my head ” God he’s such an asshole but he’s a good healer just be grateful and shut your mouth” .
This is what racism is socially in other states; it’s built into the fabric of normality it’s built into what you think is funny and how we build rapport with others maybe how you amuse yourself. You can’t even see when your saying something totally offensive because it’s socially acceptable to be racist where you are from. It’s not a good thing if your being paid and hired to heal the person to be rude to them. I’ve had dozens and dozens and dozens of sessions and have paid him lots of money and referred about a dozen people to him. It’s not just red states we have some haters in blue states too. Educated African Americans & Latinos like myself that are middle class are always put in these strange awkward social situations with white people where we are forced to grin and bear it and suck it up . Thank god I live in California I don’t experience a lot of racism but I deal with it when interacting with people from other states and I’m not sucking it up anymore. Maybe we all need to stop sucking it up, maybe that is part of the problem. If someone is racially insensitive or rude call them out let them know stop giving them your money and patronizing anyone that can’t be respectful to you.
This man lives on the East Coast he is homeless and I’ve just paid him last week $200 for two sessions because I felt bad he’s homeless which I joked back that I couldn’t believe he could be in this situation ( he is a really great healer) but I made the joke because he is Jewish. I said, ” I thought your supposed to be good with money.” I laughed and laughed and he got awkwardly quiet for a moment, I quickly followed it up with “I’m just kidding you know” because I know it’s a sensitive subject. But it did feel good to give him a taste of his own medicine. He eventually laughed. If your gonna take pot shots at my culture you better realize how much chronic pain is there and the pain I deal with constantly. It’s a slow ache that never goes away. I feel it when I walk into fancy places, I feel online in many groups, I feel it energetically floating all around our culture like a big ugly black cloud silently influencing everything. It’s like the elephant in the room that we all try to ignore. You can’t even talk to some white people about this they immediately become defensive and bring out their FOX NEWS Talking Points readily rehearsed and memorized for that perfect moment. Denying that racism exist at all has to be the most hurtful thing we hear on a regular basis. It’s like saying the holocaust never happened.
George Bernard Shaw has a great quote about this, “The only problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. If you bring your crib notes and well rehearsed material to the conversation your not even listening to me in real time your in your head. Your assuming you already know what I am going to say so you never actually listen it’s a form of gas lighting and it’s abusive and wrong. I’m not angry or hurt over things that happened 100 years ago or 50 years ago I am not even talking about that. I’m angry and hurt because of the things I deal with today!!!! I’m angry and hurt for all these little barbs and jabs all the stereotypes and assumptions made about me for how my demographic is treated politically, socially, and economically. I am hurt for the blatant abuse and chronic mistreatment. It hurts not being accepted, it hurts that we are forced to endure emotional and psychological abuse chronically, and that I have to pretend it’s not that bad. Well I can’t ignore it anymore and pretend it doesn’t exist. I refuse to be a patron, consumer, or hire anyone that is racially insensitive and I will say something.
He offered to give me a free session after I paid him for two sessions which I didn’t want and refused but then he insulted me for being “stupid” and insisted something he often does so I set up a time for a session. He has given me free sessions in the past when I was going through a very bad time, but I made sure to refer many paying clients that he worked on repeatedly he has at least received at least $2k in sessions and referrals from me in the last couple years. We usually talk a little before a session and this is when he proceeded to bring up racial slurs and make condescending barbs and jokes to try and get a rise out of me. He just kept it coming amusing himself laughing at my expense and I’m thinking ” wow. No wonder he has so many problems with people he’s so inappropriate rude and insensitive. In addition to race, he’s yelled at me for talking too much and for things related to patriarchy. There have been dozens and dozens of inappropriate things he says in fact when I refer him I usually have to warn people because he heals you but he also will insult you or creep you out.
He most likely can’t even see what a jerk he is and I realized “he can’t see it because your keeping your mouth shut and just keep taking his abuse. Your not telling him it bothers you and he is clueless. I have told him off plenty about other things but have kept quiet about race. So I decided enough was enough and I let him l have it. He was totally dumbfounded and taken back. I don’t doubt he thinks I am over reacting but I will no longer pay someone to take their racist abuse. Out of no where he wanted to know before my session today, ” How do they pay all those Mexicans that work in the fields here ?!! (creepy laugh, creepy laugh, creepy laugh, like wtf ?!! ” Did I have Eggs ranchero for breakfast ( creepy laugh, creepy laugh, creepy laugh awkward silence) This is all so bizarre and weird to me, before he used to send videos of black kids dancing or strange things like that constantly poking at the race thing. Today he says” This is a really big deal for you isn’t it and then laughed, at that point I hung up one him and I blocked him and I won’t be using him or every going back to him. I do great healings on myself and will find someone else.
I deeply appreciate the allies and the conscious white people that understand why this is such a sensitive emotionally tender issue for me and all Latinos and African Americans. We need allies compassion and support we don’t need to be told to suck it up anymore.
Racism is a very emotionally painful thing, In California where I live its predominantly Latino we are the majority and we are not immigrants we are mostly US born 3rd, 4th , 5th and 6th generation Mexican Americans and we still deal with racism here and are treated in inferior ways. It’s def not as bad here as it is in others states like Indiana or Colorado for instance but we still endure things. I can’t tell you how many times I’m judged by what I look like and the assumptions some white people have made about my level of education, the culture I’ve had or don’t have, the books I read the movies I watch the places I’ve been and what I’ve studied. Here are the type of remarks made by white people in the most recent past; “You’ve been to a play before ? with this shocked facial expression ” I can’t believe you’ve seen that indie film Helvetica about a type font that’s so crazy ” I’ve also had many people start giving me unsolicited advice and start teaching me things with the assumption that I don’t know something very basic, like something a five year old would know. I have been given thousands of dirty looks and stares and felt unwelcome. These are mostly annoying things I don’t get angry. I usually never say anything or respond I don’t want to be petty but it does irk me. Do you know how many times I would be flying off the handle if I didn’t know how to let things go? I usually can rise above the ego and let it go but maybe that is why these issues aren’t going away.
One of the most painful things I cope with pertaining to race is a racist mother in law who avidly watches Fox News, I never see her, and she doesn’t acknowledge me at all. She is from a very white town in New Jersey. When I was in the hospital three times and almost died and went through a major ordeal my husband’s family was totally MIA in fact it’s as if I don’t exist at all. My husband flies home for one of the major holidays and I am forced to be spend it alone, they go on yearly vacations and I am never invited. It’s been like this since 2010 and obviously puts a huge ginormous strain on our marriage. We separated in 2012 but we still live together and are trying to reconcile but this was a huge part of why we separated. We can’t change her and we have no idea what to do so we just ignore and accept it. You can drive yourself crazy trying to change people places and things. People ask me why I deal with this and the answer is, I didn’t really know until the day of my wedding. She was always a little rude and mean to me but I had no indication of how bad she was. I was always treated a little less than which I expected because ALL white people kind of act that way and she wasn’t over the top mean so I ignored it. My rationale. I love their son who is not a racist, it wasn’t that bad, and they lived far away on the east coast.
I had no idea that my mother in law would wait until the day of our wedding before she would unmask and reveal her deep hatred and disrespect she had for Latinos, California, and especially me! She walked out the day of our wedding and refused to talk to me ever again because she didn’t like where she was sat our wedding ( she was sat next to my entire family at a table with my husband’s employer who officiated our nuptials). It was the most outrageous hurtful thing ever. I waited three months before calling her and telling her off, and her response was to demand that the rest of the family delete me off of Facebook and never speak to me again. She told the extended family that she had been deeply mistreated at the wedding which was a complete lie. We stood outside her door begging and crying for her to talk to us and apologizing. That was 2010 and we never spoke again. Looking back it’s a little amusing in a way they she acted so socially appropriate and polite always sending gifts and flowers in the past at birthdays and holidays. She is very formal and traditional and then to act like that!!! lol I find many customs and behaviors of “sophisticated and educated” white culture ridiculous and fake. You really can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
My mother in law is one of the thousands of Americans spread across this great nation that deeply can’t stand Latinos, Gays, African Americans and would be happy if they could deport us all! I hope your getting a small idea of why I refuse to deal with a healer I am paying good money for amusing himself at my expense maybe that is how he heals you he goes out of his way to offend you? lol This subject cuts deep and this is only a small tiny example of what we deal with . Can you imagine not being liked simply because of what you look like ? Many racist not only don’t like us they don’t like what we look like, they mock and make fun of our food, our music, our language, the way we communicate, everything about our culture rubs them the wrong way yet that will copy these same things that we are made fun of and embrace them as their own. If you watch FOX News or feel you are a racist and would like to unbrain wash yourself please get help. There are organizations that are specifically there to help you. So many of us have been tricked and confused into hating each other over the most ridiculous things. It’s all so silly and unnecessary. Check out the film ” The Brainwashing of my Dad that is about this exact thing. If your not in a position of danger say something, this is how we change this. We deserve to be treated with more respect. Together we can make America better than it has ever been before.