What makes me a trauma expert, conscious coach, intuitive, and healer is that I have extensive comprehensive knowledge about trauma and learning how to apply metaphysical tools like the law of attraction. I understand how damaging trauma is, how difficult it can be to heal, and how living with unhealed trauma keeps you living a lower vibrational existence that can draw what you want the least; more abuse and trauma. I understand why trauma victims continually attract abusive situations and why it can be very difficult to 1) Heal 2) Stop attracting lower vibrational fear based realities when you are struggling with severe and complex PTSD and anxiety.
I have this knowledge because I too am a trauma survivor and self taught trauma coach that has spent over 16 years healing myself. I never intended or set out to become this it’s happened rather organically but it’s something that brings me great joy. Being able to help others and paying it forward. I have also spent the better part of that time learning how to apply numerous healing modalities to heal, manage, and completely cure my own complex ptsd, ptsd, and anxiety. I know a lot about healing depression, mental health issues, eating disorders, and self destructive tendencies. Curing low self esteem, low self worth, and low confidence. Overcoming narcissistic abuse and bullying. I know what it is to feel hopeless, like giving up, like no one cares or understands, like you don’t have a reason to live or get up in the morning. I know what it feels like to live with debilitating fears and zero emotional support and a society that will shame and judge you and lack zero compassion for you. And I can help you find hope, find tools, and learn how to fight back.
Having had zero family I could trust or financial support early on in my life, I have had to learn how to heal myself, comfort myself, re-parent, and reprogram myself. I have never been treated by a psychiatrist ever in my life for any of the most severe things I was dealing with and cope with. I am most proud of healing my suicidal tendencies, existential dilemmas, severe bulimia, and finding ways to stay positive despite having to live with complicated issues. My choices in life were die; be homeless, give up, or start reading and fight back. So I fought back hard; I gravitated towards healthy habits in my 20’s and my 30’s. My entire life has been devoted to trying to heal. I have tried so many things. Some things that did work and some things that didn’t so I have a lot to say on the subject. No matter what I was dealing with; I could never afford quality help, so I had to teach myself skills that I learned from psychiatric, medical, and psychology books. I read and study it all; self help, science self help. Shamanic tools, Psychic tools. Quantum tools. Energy Tools. I am always learning about new tools. It’s an obsession now, a hobby, and passion.
Although I have healed a ton over 16 years, mainly low self- worth, eating disorders, and suicidal tendencies. I have not yet found a way to be completely free from all that traumatized me, I’m still healing it one trigger at a time. Without going too much into my story I was dealt numerous debilitating blows. I do know how to be high functioning and what makes me susceptible to be low functioning. In particular, I still have to manage; Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Body Dysmorphia, Crippling Depression with Self Destructive Thoughts, and Social Anxiety.
Watch your triggers; know what helps you thrive and know what keeps you weak. Establish healthy routines and program your environment for success.
I am most vulnerable to being taken down by triggers for days, if my self care routine is off, and it has been big time this week! Having to move, launching a podcast, numerous sessions with people, and launching my coaching business has been super fun, but hectic. I am in the middle of having to make a huge life change that is also really terrifying. But the silver lining is, it’s yet another time to prove that I truly know what the hell I am doing and that what I do works. It’s not always fun going through it through however. Sometimes the trigger is what throws my schedule off, but sometimes its just too much stress or too many changes. If I am not eating right, meditating, or exercising consistently, practicing mindfulness, and thinking negatively, I can get very chemically unbalanced. So much of my life is designed around keeping up routines; daily and nightly habits that help me stay conscious, mindful, healthy, balanced, and higher vibrational. Too much stress, being too busy, or too many changes are no no’s for me. I have noticed that is a theme for many woman I work with; their issues can be compounded by having children, an inability to say no, perfectionism, Type A behaviors, toxic relationships, being severely driven and hard on themselves, and low self esteem.
When I go down the rabbit hole, I can get very triggered and immobilized for days!!! Especially by the deep rooted stuff like abandonment, fear of being completely alone, death, betrayal, and rejection. It doesn’t happen that often but the more I grow and evolve and want to keep pushing past my comfort zones then more I come across new triggers. Those days are tough; I go back to this catatonic despondent state that very few people understand, and its hard to explain in a minute or two. But listen, its not something you can just snap out of. Thinking positive is impossible when you can’t even get yourself to calm the hell down. I’m just coming out of that now, several days of being like this. Normally I would get a healing, but lately I have been challenging myself to apply my tools and knowledge because I know how to heal myself.
The work I teach people helps them learn skills they can apply for themselves. You don’t always need to be paying healers every time you get triggered. What makes some of this complicated are the triggers that are below my conscious mind 90 % of our lives are run by the subconscious mind only 10% conscious. Because the most traumatic things happened to me at the ages 3,6,8 ages I lacked vocabulary and was living in a terrifying environment around terrifying people; I freeze. I immediately panic curl up into a ball and go silent or start self soothing. For some reason I immediately go into self destructive mode. I began self destructing at age 8, and it’s been so intense trying to heal such a long deep pattern. It can snowball into a horrible mess. Obviously whatever triggered me, is triggering me at the level of the subconscious and unconscious mind, so I don’t know what’s even going on and can not access the thoughts or control over my emotions to calm myself down.
Your thoughts are what create your emotions. So if you can “catch” the thought you can CHANGE them. If I can, “catch” or “watch” the thoughts; I will combine deep breathing, EFT, mindfulness, and cognitive restructuring to stop it dead in its tracks, but it can take days to get out of the flight or fight response!!! This is what people that don’t live with trauma don’t understand; You cannot access your higher cognitive thinking when you are in a very stressed out state, so even if you have a plethora of tools to use, you can feel imprisoned by fear and your own emotions. This week brought on feelings of unexplainable fear and terror and then shame and embarrassment for having these issues. How fucked up is that? I certainly am not to blame for this crap. In my eyes; I am a hero to live with crap like this and still keep getting back up fighting again and again and now I am helping others with their trauma. I think that’s so bad ass. The shame comes partly from comments from society. So many of us are blamed, judged, and looked down on for having any of these problems. I think this could be remedied by education. It’s hard to feel compassion for things you don’t understand.
Plus the shames comes from ghosting people. I can go MIA on people when in those states. It’s a little hard to function like an adult when some inner child traumas are being triggered. I am making peace with all of these issues and feeling a lot less less shame these days. Yes its disruptive for my work and social life, but I think it’s what makes me a better healer and compassionate coach, because I truly care and understand deeply what some of my clients are living with and go through and trying to heal from. I am still a work in progress. I really want to educate people about these issues about how complex and time consuming it can be to heal especially for those of us that have been through repeated abuse, bullying, family scapegoating. Maybe society will start cutting us some slack. People need to know that some of the things we deal with; we may not be totally able to heal from completely. It’s like if you lost a leg or limb, or were burned severely and the doctor say’s it can’t be fixed. Some traumas do permanently scar you and mess up your mind. But it doesn’t mean you can’t heal it or learn new tools to help you have a decent quality of life and live a more conscious mindful higher vibrational existence.
What got me out of it today was a warm bath, calling on God’s help, Archangel Raphael, and Archangel Michael. Then I performed some Reiki on myself. I had energy imbalances in my crown, heart, and solar plexus. Within less than 10 minutes I suddenly felt my heart beat slow down, my breathing became more normal ,and I suddenly could “hear” my thoughts again. That’s the money spot. Once you hear your thoughts or you can watch your thoughts than you can change your thoughts; I immediately began saying to myself, “Your safe, your fine, you can breathe now, it’s over, everything will be okay, you have the power and tools now to get higher vibrational, you are safe. You are loved, I love you.” These were things I have never heard once in my life; not during the numerous traumatic events as a child and I certainly didn’t hear them when I got older. If anything I was yelled at screamed at, shamed, humiliated as an adult and mistreated on top of being triggered causing more damage on top of the damage. I have never had anyone comforting me so it was a relief to learn how to do it for myself. It’s so soothing to tell yourself, it’s okay it’s over, your safe, everything is okay, it certainly feels better than the thoughts that trigger me which are usually scary! I think I may experiment with some new tools, there has to be a way to calm my body and breathing down quicker!!!
If you need or want help or want to learn how to be taught what I describe in this article message me. Book a couple sessions. Ask me about my program; Step Into Your Power in 90 days. It is a 3 month accelerated healing program where you will learn numerous tools and receive so much healing that will help put you on a accelerated path to higher vibrational conscious living.
Sending you love wherever you are on the path and the journey, don’t forget that no matter what you have been through you are still priceless and deserve the best.
Guiding women and trauma survivors back to their power🔥